When Death Comes Knocking Home

I am sure 99% of the people would not step into such a blog title; this is natural because we are conditioned like that since our birth. We always equate birth to "happy" and death to "sad" knowing very well that being mortal means a death always comes with a birth. 

Unlike birthday which occurs every year after a birth and gets celebrated most often, we get some sort of experience in organizing a birthday event. We know the exact date, giving us ample time to plan (inviting people, making arrangements, planning venue, planning food) the birthday and added to this you could go onto any e-commerce site and order the arrangements. 

Everything is comfortably done, for a birthday, because the date and time is known prior. However death in a family come knocking suddenly and without any prior appointment which makes planning ahead of time impossible. Added to that in a big city most of us are unaware what to do and then there is a limited time frame to do the needful. 

When death came knocking in our home recently, like it happens to most of us it was sudden and I was unaware as to what all to do and more importantly how to go about it. What are the rituals that need to be done. How and where is the body is to be cremated. What are the municipality formalities. 

This is an account of my experience. In Mumbai City. Death at a COVID hospital. Health insurance. Hindu tradition. I hope this is useful.

1.  As soon as I heard from the hospital, I reach the hospital. {The doctor calls me at 0500 am and says that my fathers heart rate is dropping, having not heard from the doctor at that hour of the day since my father was in the hospital, I fear for the worse. At 0521 he calls to say the heart rate is zero and I need to get to hospital as soon as possible. Inform your siblings immediately, giving them time to plan.} 
2. Police Station visit for NOC. {Hospital issued a letter addressed to the police. This has to be carried by you to the nearest police station and get a no objection certificate (NOC) - primarily because the cause of death is COVID} 
3.  NOC carried by me to back to the hospital {I handover the letter from the hospital and ask for a NOC. The policeman on duty asks for my Aadhar card, my fathers Aadhar card and then in about 20 minutes makes a note in a register and hands over the NOC with a signature of mine in their register.} 
4. Fill in a hospital form {The hospital need to send the insurance papers and prepare the body. I just need to wait and fill up a form that contains details of my father his parents and addresses etc these are required because these details need to be recorded in the death certificate that will be issued by the Muncipality.} 
5. Ready an ambulance { I call up an ambulance service to take my father to the crematorium (all this necessary because of COVID protocol) and ask them to be around so that they can come with little delay as soon as I am handed over the body.} 
6.  Let relatives and friend's know {You are going to miss some, can not help it because you are recalling whom all to tell without a plan. Some people will call and if you are in midst of paper work, do not feel obligated to answer the call, they will understand} 
7. Find the nearest crematorium {Folks at the hospital generally know. Also Google Maps helps. For most of us this is unknown because if you are like me you would have not visited a crematorium earlier.} 
8. Body Hand over and papers for the crematorium { At about 0930 am (4 hours after the death) I am handed over the body covered up in a white cloth with a transparent cover over the face, this is to make sure that everyone else is not at COVID risk. I am handed over, a file that has details of the reason for the death etc and a piece of paper without which the crematorium does not cremate} 
9. Trip to the crematorium {Hospital work done the ambulance leaves to the crematorium and I follow in my vehicle (COVID means you can not travel in the ambulance)}. 
10. Cremation {At the crematorium reception I hand over the paper given by the hospital and the person on duty makes a handwritten entry in his register and issues a small slip of paper. This slip of paper needs to be shown at the actual cremation (electric or wooden) furnace inside the crematorium. The in-charge makes an entry in his register and keep the slip of paper with them until the cremation is complete. We are asked to notionally push the body and the rest is automated with the help of an electric button. The electric cremation takes about two hours. Once the cremation is done. He takes my signature and hands me the paper slip with a stamp. This signifies the completion of the cremation and is a proof for the Municipality to issue a death certificate} 
11. Collection of Ashes {By 1230 the body is reduced to ashes. We are asked if we want to collect the ashes. While I am not inclined for two reasons (a) my father never believed in rituals and (b) I felt that unless you understand what you are doing why do it. However, My sister (who flew down from Bangalore) insists that we carry the ashes and do what ever is required to be done, we are asked to get an earthen pot and a white cloth which is sold in a shop just outside the crematorium. We get the ashes.} 
12. Immersion of Ashes {The ashes should not be taken into the house (this is the belief) so we decide to immerse the ashes in a water body. With the help of my friends we identify a water body in Navi Mumbai. My friend has brought some water from Ganges and Tulsi. He offers to read the Gita and perform a good-bye ritual. We complete the ritual and immerse the ashes into the water body and get back home by 1400 hrs.} If you are like me, you would not believe in rituals and would not to do anything about it. However, irrespective of your own belief, I think it is best to do as it is commonly done as a tradition in most Hindu families. Because a lot of sentiments of people are shaken and they will not mince any words to tell you! 
13. Plan for Rituals {We light up a diya by the photograph of my father and we continue to do so for the next 13 days - as suggested by some of my friends and relatives. While there are no agreed fixed rituals, or on which specific day to perform the rituals, the concept (if you believe in it) is same - the soul of the person is still around even though the body has been reduced to ashes. A pooja done with dedication and devotion helps the soul move from earth into ether with the possibility of it getting attached to another physical body form.} 
14. Engage a Poojari, fix a date {Because of the variety of differences in the ritual procedure, it is best to choose a poojari and stick to his process. We engaged a poojari who promised to conduct the whole ceremony called Shradda in 4 hours on the 13th day; the fact that he will arrange all the things that are required for the Pooja himself makes it easy on you in a city. We were asked to prepare all the food that my father liked on the day of pooja/Shrad} 
15. Announce to your family and friends {We created an announcement and specifically requested minimal attendance because of COVID. Generally people who come to the crematorium need to be called as is the tradition. See sample invite} 
16. Follow the Poojari with utmost sincerity on the day {I shave my head (as is the tradition on the 12th day) and facial hair. My sister and wife take charge of planning and preparing the food liked by my father. The pooja begins at 1030 am and goes on till 1400. The poojari takes extra effort to explain each process and its significance with respect to the Hindu tradition. It definitely made logical sense even to someone who does not believe in rituals! One of the important things during the rituals is the need to (a) feed the crows the food and (b) immersing the ritual flowers, rice and other ingredients that are involved in the pooja. In a city this becomes difficult. Interestingly, there are crows everywhere and we seldom observe (how unfortunate) so the crow eating is a lesser problem. The immersing the ritual items is a major problem because (a) finding a water body is not easy in a city plus (b) even if you found one, immersing could be polluting the water. What I realized is that the main theory behind immersion is that it should no t come under the foot or people. So the solution seems to be to sprinkle water and leave near the trunk of a tree nearby!}